A New Concept for a Dream

Here it is! The information I spoke of in my last blog. This is the second portion of the tools I received that day, when I looked within for answers to my “trust” issues. I am an intelligent person. What was I doing to play out these scenes over and over again? The Trust-o-Meter article posted on the OWN website helped me get a better perspective. Below is a portion of that article by Martha Beck, called “Who’s Never Going to Let You Down“:

” …   If your inner software is working well, your trust-o-meter is guiding you safely through life’s many hazards. If it isn’t, you smash into one disappointment or betrayal after another. The good news is that no matter how faulty your trust-o-meter, it’s never too late to debug the system.  Here’s one short quiz to help you determine if your trust-o-meter needs recalibrating.

The “yes” questions:

1. Does Person X usually show up on time?

2. When Person X says something is going to happen, does it usually happen?

3. When you hear Person X describing an event and then get more information about that event, does the new information usually match Person X’s description?

The “no” questions:

4. Have you ever witnessed Person X lying to someone or assuming you’ll help deceive a third person?

5. Does Person X sometimes withhold information in order to make things go more smoothly or to avoid conflict?

6. Have you ever witnessed Person X doing something (lying, cheating, being unkind) that he or she would condemn if another person did it?

These questions might seem trivial. They’re not. As the saying goes, “the way we do anything is the way we do everything.” I’m not saying we have the ultimate power or right to judge others. But if you trust someone whose behavior doesn’t pass the six screening questions above, your trust-o-meter may well be misaligned. If Person X rated more than one “no” on the first three questions, and more than one “yes” on the second three, they don’t warrant total trust at present. If you trust someone who blew all six questions, you need some readjustments. You don’t have to change Person X (you can’t), but you do need to take a hard look at your own patterns of trust.

By the way, if you’re now rationalizing Person X’s behavior with arguments like “But he means well” or “It’s not her fault; she had a terrible childhood,” your trust-o-meter is definitely on the fritz. These are the small lies we use to tell ourselves we’re comfortable when we aren’t. It’s not the end of the world if Person X lies to you. Lying to yourself, on the other hand, can make your life so miserable, the end of the world might be a relief.

Learning to Trust Everyone and Everything

“The Master…trusts people who are trustworthy,” wrote Lao Tzu, my favorite philosopher. “She also trusts people who aren’t trustworthy. This is true trust.” Many earnest do-gooders skew this to mean that everyone is noble at the core, every crazy stranger should be invited to sleep in the children’s room, every elected official is intelligent and just. But that’s not “true trust”; it’s another version of denial, like the one Pema Chödrön calls by the memorable label “idiot compassion.”

So what does it mean to “trust people who aren’t trustworthy”? I pondered this earlier today, as I watched the lions devour the buffalo, the leopard attack the impala, the baboons stealing breakfast. I am very wary of these beasts, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust them. I depend on them deeply—to do what they usually do. Lions and leopards can be trusted to eat animals about my size. Baboons can be trusted to steal food whenever possible. Because I know this, I adapt my behavior to avoid getting eaten or pilfered.

By the same token, if someone in your life pulls in a dismal score on the Trust Test, perpetually failing to keep promises, tell the truth, quit drinking, or show compassion, this is exactly what you can depend on them to keep doing. Addicts can be trusted to lie. Narcissists can be trusted to backstab. And people who reliably do their best, whose stories check out against your own observations, can be trusted to stay relatively honest and stable.

When you spot faulty programming in your trust-o-meter, you may experience some deep grief. You’ll have to acknowledge what you already know, deep down: that your alcoholic dad may never be reliable, that you may have picked an irresponsible partner, that the friend who never supports you probably never will. You may face some tough choices as your debugged trust-o-meter directs you away from familiar negative patterns and into new behaviors. But as you more accurately predict what will happen, you’ll feel a new, growing confidence. Your life will begin to work.

This is why I feel so much safer today, in the bushveld, than I once did in my home. Yes, it’s a jungle out here, but it’s a jungle everywhere. Life, in fact, is just one big wilderness. But you were born for this wilderness, and you have the instruments to negotiate it safely. Does that thought feel comfortable? Really, truly comfortable? As soon as it does, you’ve found your way to the first part of Goethe’s promise: You can trust yourself. And because Goethe was a trustworthy person, you can rely on the second part of his promise following automatically. You really will know how to live.”

Here’s another quick test to help you determine whether you know how to detect trustworthy people.

The Trust Test:

Thank you Martha Beck and OWN for posting that article. I felt a great sense of freedom and release from this information. I wanted to share this with anyone and everyone out there struggling with issues and answers to these hard questions.

Until next time … Working on the daily process that is me … and Keeping that inner light shining!

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Healing Betrayal

When I started this Eros Touch Blog, it was my intent to post my experiences about navigating through my life more lovingly. Be careful for what you ask for, the Law of Attraction always provides.  I was bombarded with obstacles and incoming shrapnel (figuratively) that continued to throw my lifeboat off course and into more dangerous areas. In other words, an onslaught of  more damage and setbacks. I cried so hard, I laughed!!

I was determined to respond to the bombardment of challenges as an understanding and compassionate individual, rather than that of a judgmental, out-of-control, self righteous, emotional basket case. I focused on changing the way I viewed these challenges. I always cringed at them and labeled them as these “awful negative experiences.” Then to make matters worse, I fed those beliefs, to the point where they became full blown emotional monsters! I had enough! I realized, I had to change my perspective. I had to consciously choose to look at these setbacks as presents and new opportunities for personal growth. When I did that, the monsters were no longer scary. In fact, they seemed more playful and friendly, all because I chose to make the experience something positive. The consequence was that it put me in a better state of mind. I embraced my challenges from a place of  love and compassion, rather than anger and judgment. I was now in an emotionally fit state where it was easier to find solutions.

Healing from Betrayal

Healing from what feels like a stabbed heart can be a long and difficult journey.

The repeat offender in my life, was attracting the gift of  “betrayal”.  So much so, at times I was socially handicapped. I asked myself, “Why do I continue to attract this experience?” I didn’t dwell in anger or self pity. I really wanted to know why this kept happening over and over. It was beginning to feel like “Ground Hog’s Day.” I got quiet and looked within for answers without judging myself or my life. I didn’t have any expectations other than trusting I would find a way to work though it lovingly. After a very long meditation and prayer session, I felt more balanced and positive. Taking time to recharge my “internal batteries,” proved helpful. I had a new found energy and could focus on moving forward, being productive, and trusting that all was as it should be.  Within a few moments, I received guidance in the form of social media. It was an article from one of my spiritual mentors, Deepak Chopra called, 7 Things to Do When You’ve Been Betrayed (and 7 Not to Do). The timing was impeccable, the message … as always, invaluable and just what I needed!

I posted it below for anyone else who dances with betrayal in their own life. This article is a wonderful tool for anyone on the path of mindful awareness. I have portrayed both victim and betrayer at different times in my life, so I can relate to both sides of the coin. The information below is enlightening and has been helpful in the healing process as I take a closer look as to why and how I’ve been caught in the “betrayal Loop” time and time again.  Next time, I’ll share information from Martha Beck about how to recognize people who will never let you down. That TOO was an eye opener!

Until then … Keep that loving touch … The Eros Touch alive!

Mayr

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Deepak Chopra: 7 Things to Do When You’ve Been Betrayed (and 7 Not to Do)
The co-founder of the Chopra Foundation explains how to recover from one of life’s deepest blows.
  1. Gain some detachment. Stand back and view yourself as if you were the helper, not the victim.
  2. Don’t indulge in emotions you cannot afford. Don’t act as if you’re feeling worse than you really are—or better.
  3. Make a plan for emotional recovery. Look at where you hurt, feel wounded or see yourself as victimized, then set out to heal these areas. Don’t rely simply on letting time do it for you.
  4. Feel the hole inside and grieve over it—but promise yourself that you will fill it.
  5. Seek a confidant who has survived the same betrayal and has come out on the other side.
  6. Work toward a tomorrow that will be better than yesterday. Don’t fixate on the past or what might have been.
  7. Counter self-pity by being of service to someone else. Counter regret by seeking out activities that build your self-esteem.
It requires a good deal of objectivity to set about following such a program. Nothing is easier, of course, than doing the opposite, for example:
  1. Dwelling obsessively on how you were wronged. Feeling exultant in our self-righteous pain.
  2. Turning your pain into an ongoing drama.
  3. Acting erratic and scattered, with no plan for getting better.
  4. Mourning your loss forever. Not looking honestly at the hole inside yourself because it is too painful or you feel too weak.
  5. Talking to the wrong people about your woes. Seeking out those who keep agreeing with you and amplifying our resentment by egging you on.
  6. Idealizing the past. Obsessing over the good times that are gone.
  7. Letting self-pity and regret dominate your state of mind. This kind of behavior only makes a betrayal linger.
What to do with both of these 7-step lists

If you find yourself in the position of being the wronged party, sit down with these two seven-step programs in front of you. With a pen and paper, write down all the ways you are following the healing program and then the ways in which you are sticking with victimization one. Be candid and objective. It is healing in itself to write down how you are really doing, because the key to psychological healing is self-awareness.

The two lists—and choices—may be in stark contrast, but real life is blurry around the edges. One day you are on the right track; the next day you are a train wreck. The key is to keep being kind to yourself. You know you are being kind when you begin to feel kind toward the one who betrayed you. I know that sounds impossible when your pain is acute, but you can’t be kind to yourself unless that feeling of ease, acceptance, tolerance and nonjudgment extends beyond your self-interest. Otherwise, kindness is simply a mask for egotism. The idea of “I’m getting better; I hope he rots in hell” is an unresolvable contradiction.

In the end, when you reach that state of being healed, you will see how fortunate you are. As horrible as betrayal is, forgiveness belongs to those who know how to love in the first place, and you are one of them.

Been out of the blogging scene for a bit due to other projects, but finally have a few moments today to check in and focus on the Eros Touch project.

The Eros Touch concept was an idea I had as a tool to work on tapping into loving energy and spreading that energy around me. It starts with one person, with one idea and putting it into daily action, changing the way I perceive myself as well as the beautiful world we live in. Well that’s all fine and said, but putting it into practice daily is another story.

Like so much of us today, I spent far too much time being in a state of anger. So much so, that as soon as I woke up, I began thinking about all the things that teed me off. I had to find a way to switch gears and put my mind in a better space because it was affecting my health. The first step on the road to change was adding daily meditation and exercise back into my schedule. I already made significant dietary changes when I embraced a vegetarian cuisine in 1990. I used to practice daily meditation and exercise, but death and divorce at that time, affected me so deeply, that I wasn’t able to keep up with any spiritual practice. My heartstrings had been shattered and like Jet Li in the movie Fearless, I went into a sort of “self exile,” self reflection space to set up a new nest, as well as figure out a plan for the next phase of my life.

I used to say my prayers first thing in the morning and at bed every night as a kid. As I grew up, I found praying to a grandpa like image of God I envisioned as a kid, no longer seemed applicable as an adult. As my religious beliefs expanded, I grew more confused about prayer and whom or what to focus my prayers on. Guided meditation helped me plug back into the spirit of praying. Once I realized I didn’t need to have an image of a deity or Saint to pray to, it was easy to get back into the swing of things.

As a theatre major in college, my acting classes included movement and guided relaxation exercises. It was there I first learned how to relax, listen and trust my instructor to take me on a guided journey of the mind. Guided meditation has been a huge help to me in transforming the energy of anger, into an attitude of gratitude; in everything I do and touch. That college experience made it easier for me look into meditation as a way to tap into a more relaxed state, where I can then focus my intent on being in a state of  LOVE, and visualize what it would be like responding to everything (good and bad) from a state of love, compassion and self awareness at all times, in every situation with everything I do and touch.   If I imagine it, I can then begin to live it.

The Eros Touch — new era has begun on my journey to self transformation.

Fairy tales have always been a popular way to teach and inspire. One that has always intrigued me is the story of King Midas. I mean, how cool would it be to have the power to transform something into gold. I’d never have to worry about finances again! The tragic aspect of course, was that he inadvertently turned his child into a gold statue. That pretty much put a damper on things. But like every good tale worth telling, that was part of the story’s lesson.

The power of alchemy would truly be a valuable tool in one’s arsenal. All right, so I don’t have the Midas touch, I do however, have something more precious and valuable than gold. I have within me, the power of love. What if, instead of touching everything with the intent of turning it into gold, I touch everything with the intent of giving it more love? That doesn’t seem so far fetched. I have the power to do that! And so, the *Eros Touch idea was born.

Now, instead of feeling bummed I don’t have the Midas touch, I am joyful and appreciative of the power I DO have — the power of love. I can focus my imagination on zapping loving energy to everything I touch: The Eros Touch. Wow! What kind of effect would that have on me, my family, my friends, my animal companions, and the environment? The more I thought about it, the more sense  it made. I couldn’t wait to implement this idea into my life.

Great spiritual teachers, both modern and ancient (Zoroaster, Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Gary Zukav, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Eckhardt Tolle, Byron Katie, etc.) all profess that LOVE is the answer.

I know I can’t change others. I do have the ability, though, to change me. The first step is realizing I have the power within me, at every given moment. All I have to do is stop, take a moment, open my mind, get centered, and tap into it: my connection to God;  the force;  Source; LOVE. Once I am in that space of giving and receiving unconditional love … I can begin to implement … The Eros Touch!

(*Eros is the Greek word for love).

An Introduction

Life doesn’t always feel like a bowl full of cherries. In fact, its starting to feel more like rotten tomatoes! What up with that? I came to the conclusion I’ve experienced life that way because I’ve been pissed off for pretty much a long time now; longer than I really cared to acknowledge.  Even though I was ignoring it, living by the proverbial river “D’Nile,” my body was communicating loud and clear through “dis-ease!” I had to go to the root of the problem and do the real work my body needed to heal. That meant, I had to do a whole ‘lotta digging; decades worth of “crud to sift through!” The more I probed, the more I realized, I’ve held on to things I was mad about, well ever since I can remember.  I had become an “anger hoarder!

I vividly remember as a preschooler, I was always smiling, enthusiastic, and very excited about life.  I laughed a lot, played a lot and had loads of fun.  Those years were filled with awesome experiences, because I didn’t hold on to any anger then.  Things began to change in elementary school when I became more conscious of my surroundings.  I remember feeling sad and hurt a lot more.  I got hurt when someone hit me.  I got hurt when someone lied.  I got hurt when I was betrayed.  I didn’t know at the time, I was living in an abusive environment.  Everyone there was in a perpetual state of anger and pain, so toxicity was normal.

After high school, when I moved out of the family “mad” house, I created my own.  I remember in college, after another intense breakup with a boyfriend, my girlfriends and I jokingly said we were going to form a club to celebrate all the disastrous relationships we survived.  We were going to call ourselves The Bitter Bitches of America!  We never did, but the feelings we were expressing were real!  We were mad we invested in people that broke our hearts and seem to do so with little respect and compassion.

That was  just more stuff to add to my ever growing list of things that ticked me off!  I was mad at my family for teaching me abusive behavior was accepted and normal.  I was mad at the abusive relationships I attracted; boyfriends, bosses and girlfriends.  It seemed everyone was here to teach me about betrayal, lies  and cheating.  I thought it was normal because  everyone in my inner circle behaved that way.  The truth was, I was operating from those belief systems and focused my energy on those who were like minded.  I didn’t understand that concept at the time.  Each year that went by, I just kept getting angrier and didn’t even realize it.

I had moments and events throughout my life that were joyous and happy; but I didn’t focus on the happiness.  I focused on what made me mad when things went wrong disregarding the happiness I felt.  Then the granddaddy of all events happened and I focused all my anger and bitterness on it, the big D! Divorce has that effect, especially when you are a new mom with a two-year-old, facing parenthood alone.  Anger, betrayal, shock; those measly emotions didn’t hold a candle to the rage I was feeling over the divorce! Yup … many, many, years of anger had built up.  Something had to give!

The science of anger is complex, from the emotional to the physical.  When I began to manifest my negative emotions through disease, I understood it was spirit’s way of getting me to listen and look inward for solutions.  So began the real communion work on me.

Up to that point, all spiritual roads I learned about, led me back to GOD; that inner place of safety and love. I discovered this from the teachings of each of the major religions I learned about and studied on my own spiritual quest. These religions confirmed to me that the paths are many, but the message is the same: Love is the way.

In an effort to heal the anger I was hoarding and to be the best mom I could for my daughter, I had to learn how to be the best person I could towards myself, first.  I had to learn to stop beating up on myself, the way I had learned to, by those closest to me, that taught me abusive behavior was “normal.”

So with that in mind, inspired by the teachings and meditations from the best of the best (ancient and modern teachers) I set out to create a way for me to heal and share my experience with others, who like myself, are tired of being angry and just want to feel at peace to love and enjoy life again.

I had to learn how to transform the energy of anger I harbored, into an attitude of gratitude, in everything I do and touch.  In doing so, a new era for me has begun, the era of The Eros Touch. This is my ongoing journey to a life of wholeness and my commitment to sharing and spreading The Eros Touch .