So I post all these blogs about the Eros Touch … healing through the power of love, yadda, yadda, yadda, and all of a sudden I post a poem … Lyrics to boot … where did that come from? I’ll tell ya’ … It came from the cosmos my friends. I am learning how to use the fertilizer that is dumped on me to plant and grow new seeds! Okay, let’s be candid, (and accountable) the fertilizer I allowed and ordered to be dumped on me.
I prayed for spiritual solutions to help me resolve some major issues. Cut to the chase, a few months ago, a new person came into my life in the form of a friend and sister, with a very heavy burden she was carrying; that of a broken heart. She sought me out because we had something in common; the broken heart was from the same man, my former spouse.
In getting to know her, and working together to process her heartache, it was awakening a sleeping dragon in me. I hadn’t fully recovered from my own heartache. When the spouse you spend over a decade building dreams, a life, a family, a business with, abandons you and his toddler, well, let’s just say it isn’t easy to understand. Some of the information revealed during our processing this pain together, confirmed he withholds child support payments months at a time, as another means of control and bullying. She didn’t realize his abuse to me is ongoing. Deep feelings of anger and rage were getting stirred … big time! Listening to the pain of this poor brokenhearted woman was silently plucking some intense “vibrations” on my heartstrings. What this gut wrenching process was revealing to me, were my own abandonment and lack of self worth issues that I, along with other countless women, including my own mother, sister, both my grandmother’s and my new friend’s mom had lived through as well — men deserting their families.
This is an epidemic!!! Men abandoning women and their children; their families; running off to build new families only to abandon and create the same heartache and pain to their new families. Some men are just not rowing with all oars! Again, I found myself in a similar predicament that I faced at the end of my marriage! I had two choices: Get mad and pick a fight; get even and seek revenge in a Count of Monte Cristo sort of way … Nah, that’s not me. I get too toxic and end up physically sick. I had a different choice to make. So I shut down outside contact, distanced myself from everyone and focused on using all this “crap” in an artistic way.
The death of my marriage had such a huge impact on me, I couldn’t even plunk a tune like Chopsticks on the piano for close to a decade. I collaborated and composed three albums with my ex that were used as soundscapes for our stage shows. These were our first children together. He had created other products on his own, but this was the first time I actually composed my own original music. When you compose and collaborate on music with a partner, it’s a different form of union and connection.
Then, I really got the socks knocked off me, when I realized he was using our music to bed women he had affairs with. That took betrayal to a whole new level. Especially because he conveniently conveyed he was the sole creator, erasing me out of the picture entirely! Ouch and Ewwww! Sleee-zeey! There was so much crap I was processing, filtering, absorbing, trying to understand … well, it just blew my mind out of orbit … where ever that was.
So, rather than staying in a place of devastation or going to a place of destruction I went to my keyboard and started to get lost in the sound of the instruments.
I’ll stop here for now … as this is getting long winded … even for me, and that’s saying alot! I will reveal my artistic background and the creative process of how I composed the music and lyrics for this beautiful gift I received, called Ladyheart.
In the meantime … here’s the YouTube link to the musical mindscape that is: