A New Concept for a Dream

Archive for June, 2012

Healing Betrayal

When I started this Eros Touch Blog, it was my intent to post my experiences about navigating through my life more lovingly. Be careful for what you ask for, the Law of Attraction always provides.  I was bombarded with obstacles and incoming shrapnel (figuratively) that continued to throw my lifeboat off course and into more dangerous areas. In other words, an onslaught of  more damage and setbacks. I cried so hard, I laughed!!

I was determined to respond to the bombardment of challenges as an understanding and compassionate individual, rather than that of a judgmental, out-of-control, self righteous, emotional basket case. I focused on changing the way I viewed these challenges. I always cringed at them and labeled them as these “awful negative experiences.” Then to make matters worse, I fed those beliefs, to the point where they became full blown emotional monsters! I had enough! I realized, I had to change my perspective. I had to consciously choose to look at these setbacks as presents and new opportunities for personal growth. When I did that, the monsters were no longer scary. In fact, they seemed more playful and friendly, all because I chose to make the experience something positive. The consequence was that it put me in a better state of mind. I embraced my challenges from a place of  love and compassion, rather than anger and judgment. I was now in an emotionally fit state where it was easier to find solutions.

Healing from Betrayal

Healing from what feels like a stabbed heart can be a long and difficult journey.

The repeat offender in my life, was attracting the gift of  “betrayal”.  So much so, at times I was socially handicapped. I asked myself, “Why do I continue to attract this experience?” I didn’t dwell in anger or self pity. I really wanted to know why this kept happening over and over. It was beginning to feel like “Ground Hog’s Day.” I got quiet and looked within for answers without judging myself or my life. I didn’t have any expectations other than trusting I would find a way to work though it lovingly. After a very long meditation and prayer session, I felt more balanced and positive. Taking time to recharge my “internal batteries,” proved helpful. I had a new found energy and could focus on moving forward, being productive, and trusting that all was as it should be.  Within a few moments, I received guidance in the form of social media. It was an article from one of my spiritual mentors, Deepak Chopra called, 7 Things to Do When You’ve Been Betrayed (and 7 Not to Do). The timing was impeccable, the message … as always, invaluable and just what I needed!

I posted it below for anyone else who dances with betrayal in their own life. This article is a wonderful tool for anyone on the path of mindful awareness. I have portrayed both victim and betrayer at different times in my life, so I can relate to both sides of the coin. The information below is enlightening and has been helpful in the healing process as I take a closer look as to why and how I’ve been caught in the “betrayal Loop” time and time again.  Next time, I’ll share information from Martha Beck about how to recognize people who will never let you down. That TOO was an eye opener!

Until then … Keep that loving touch … The Eros Touch alive!

Mayr

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Deepak Chopra: 7 Things to Do When You’ve Been Betrayed (and 7 Not to Do)
The co-founder of the Chopra Foundation explains how to recover from one of life’s deepest blows.
  1. Gain some detachment. Stand back and view yourself as if you were the helper, not the victim.
  2. Don’t indulge in emotions you cannot afford. Don’t act as if you’re feeling worse than you really are—or better.
  3. Make a plan for emotional recovery. Look at where you hurt, feel wounded or see yourself as victimized, then set out to heal these areas. Don’t rely simply on letting time do it for you.
  4. Feel the hole inside and grieve over it—but promise yourself that you will fill it.
  5. Seek a confidant who has survived the same betrayal and has come out on the other side.
  6. Work toward a tomorrow that will be better than yesterday. Don’t fixate on the past or what might have been.
  7. Counter self-pity by being of service to someone else. Counter regret by seeking out activities that build your self-esteem.
It requires a good deal of objectivity to set about following such a program. Nothing is easier, of course, than doing the opposite, for example:
  1. Dwelling obsessively on how you were wronged. Feeling exultant in our self-righteous pain.
  2. Turning your pain into an ongoing drama.
  3. Acting erratic and scattered, with no plan for getting better.
  4. Mourning your loss forever. Not looking honestly at the hole inside yourself because it is too painful or you feel too weak.
  5. Talking to the wrong people about your woes. Seeking out those who keep agreeing with you and amplifying our resentment by egging you on.
  6. Idealizing the past. Obsessing over the good times that are gone.
  7. Letting self-pity and regret dominate your state of mind. This kind of behavior only makes a betrayal linger.
What to do with both of these 7-step lists

If you find yourself in the position of being the wronged party, sit down with these two seven-step programs in front of you. With a pen and paper, write down all the ways you are following the healing program and then the ways in which you are sticking with victimization one. Be candid and objective. It is healing in itself to write down how you are really doing, because the key to psychological healing is self-awareness.

The two lists—and choices—may be in stark contrast, but real life is blurry around the edges. One day you are on the right track; the next day you are a train wreck. The key is to keep being kind to yourself. You know you are being kind when you begin to feel kind toward the one who betrayed you. I know that sounds impossible when your pain is acute, but you can’t be kind to yourself unless that feeling of ease, acceptance, tolerance and nonjudgment extends beyond your self-interest. Otherwise, kindness is simply a mask for egotism. The idea of “I’m getting better; I hope he rots in hell” is an unresolvable contradiction.

In the end, when you reach that state of being healed, you will see how fortunate you are. As horrible as betrayal is, forgiveness belongs to those who know how to love in the first place, and you are one of them.

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